Managing Rejection with Borderline Personality Disorder

Rejection can be one of the most painful experiences that someone with borderline personality disorder (BPD) goes through. At least I know that, for me and my condition, it is a huge trigger. This can even include instances of perceived rejection. Because those of us with BPD often experience a deep fear of abandonment, rejection can often feel physically painful. In my experience, I take the rejection to heart and see it as someone discrediting my existence all together, when this is simply not the case.

Different forms of rejection – such as being turned down after a first date, or the end of a relationship – can cause varying levels of emotional pain; however, I have found that all of these levels of pain are extremely debilitating. Sometimes experiencing rejection can also bring on suicidal ideation, which is difficult to handle. But there are ways to manage the emotional pain that is tied to rejection, and the more we practice the more we can find relief in these times of severe emotional stress.

Remind Yourself That Rejection is Not a Reflection of Your Value or Your Worth

Most of the time when someone rejects us, it is a reflection of them and their needs, not on our worth as an individual. When you are feeling rejected, try to tell yourself that the other person does not define your worth, and that you do not need them to validate you. The emotional pain you are experiencing right now may be excruciating but try to remind yourself that the feeling will not last forever. The pain will pass.

Write Down Things You Love About Yourself to Read When You Are Feeling Rejected

When you are in a calmer state of mind, take out a journal or even just a piece of paper, and write down everything you love about yourself. When you are experiencing the pain of rejection, look at this list and try to focus on these traits to help prevent yourself from tying your worth to the individual who made you feel rejected.

Create a Crisis Kit with Things You Love to Sidetrack You When You Are in Emotional Pain

I have a crisis kit filled with things that I love (such as books, movies, mementos, etc.) that I open up when I am experiencing extreme emotional pain. Having this kit reminds me of my passions and what makes me happy. This helps me to connect back to myself instead of feeling like I am drowning in my emotional pain.

The most important thing you can do for yourself when you are struggling with emotional pain from feelings of rejection is to take some time for yourself and do something that you love. This can be anything that brings you even the smallest feeling of happiness to counteract the feelings of intense pain. It may feel like you are drowning in your pain, and you cannot find a way out, but if you prepare for these inevitable feelings of rejection beforehand, you may find that you have some control over what used to feel like out-of-control emotions. Be kind to yourself and remember that rejection is not a reflection on your worth as an individual. You will get through these instances of extreme pain, and the more that you show yourself love and affection, the more you can feel secure in yourself without the need of validation from others.


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